Apr
29
    
Posted (Tina) in All Posts on April-29-2009

Ella had a great day.

However, it didn’t start off so good. Ella was due for her last round of synagis about a week ago, but the medicine didn’t show up. We had to go through insurance again, get approval letters, etc. In any case, the medicine came yesterday, so we wanted to get it administered as soon as possible. The nurse was willing to come this morning between 10 – 11am. Unfortunately, she was running late. By the time she arrived, it was 11:15am. Ella was very upset as the needle poked her twice, once in each leg. Unfortunately, her OT appointment was right afterwards at 11:30. The nurse and occupational therapist literally passed each other at the front door. Ella was still upset and so it made the OT session a total failure. Although I was doubtful, we still tried feeding. That didn’t work, so then we tried just playing (reading books, playing with her laptop, etc.). Ella was not even willing to do that activity. She was done.

All it took was some beauty sleep and Ella was smiling again. It was such a nice day here in Denver – sunny and 75 degrees. So, I decided to take her to the outdoor mall that is 5 minutes from our house. She got excited as I put her in the car…and to think…we were not going to a doctor’s office!

While we enjoyed the sun, we also took notice of the tulips that were in full bloom in various colors around the mall. I had to stop and smell the flowers for the day.

Wow, it was touching to me to read the inspired words that the Lord gave Josh to write to our son on yesterday’s post. I think it perfectly describes where we were at during the entire experience and describes the peace that He has given us through this time.

I’m so thankful for all of you out there. Some of you post comments and many do not, but we know that you are walking the journey with us and the support is invaluable. All of the thoughts and prayers are not going unnoticed.

Yesterday was a hard day emotionally and physically for me, but I’m amazed at how the Lord has truly provided peace. Once born, the doctor recommended that we do not look at our son, simply because of his condition. He was trying to be sensitive and thought it might engrain a bad memory. Yet in that moment, I really had the desire to look at our boy. So the amazing doctor that God provided to us, was patient and gentle as he showed me everything about our son. I took several minutes to soak him in. It confirmed everything we could see on ultrasound. I had the chance to look into his little face and take in his little fingers and toes. Those few minutes truly helped me say goodbye to him.

It brought the song “Praise you in this Storm” back to my memory. I will never forget hearing this song for the first time in Florida while Ella was in the NICU, only 10 days after she was born. At that time, we were not sure of the Lord’s plan for Ella. It was morning and there was a thunderstorm outside. My alarm clock went off with this song playing. It was a new song for my ears and one that will always hold special meaning for me. It just seems appropriate to share it again, as the words ring true for this season of life.

This song is by by Casting Crowns. You can listen to it below.

I Will Praise You In This Storm

I was sure by now God,
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say, “amen”
and it’s still raining.
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper
through the rain,
“I’m with you”
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away.

And I’ll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone.
How can I carry on
if I can’t find You?
And as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper
through the rain
“I’m with you”.
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands
and praise the God who gives and takes away.

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth

And I’ll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm



kristin thompson on April 29th, 2009 at 11:21 pm #

My Friend Tina…I give you my heart. I would give you more if I could. I would give you anything you asked for if I could. Sometimes this human body frustrates me. I call upon the holy Trinity and beg them to surround you and your little West family and ask them to remember as small as you are in numbers is how GREAT you are because so many people follow your blog, your story and your life. I am thankful that when you met your son you were able to see his preciousness. May you have only pleasant memories of him and his being. May you look forward to the day when you will meet again and he will call you Mommy. Tina…I am so thankful to know you, to watch you grow and stretch and laugh and cry with you along with all who follow you and Josh. You began as my mentor but you are always my friend. I am so thankful. My sincere prayers and hugs and kisses and smiles & giggles and tears of sorrow and happiness are with you. May you always know you and Josh can lean on us humans even if we are an email away. Our faithful Father is with you. By the way…he whispered in my ear today. He said to me “that West family is one of my most special creations. I love them”.

I love you with my whole heart.

Kristin
P.S. You do know that when God whispers…HE MEANS IT!!!

Julie Kirk on April 30th, 2009 at 12:12 am #

Ella and tulips; just beautiful

Joel Snyder on April 30th, 2009 at 3:22 am #

Ella, Sorry about that last round of shots it would have ruined my day too. What fun you and Mom and the tulips and a car ride. Tina I am so glad that you got to say goodbye to your son. I am praying that the sorrow of your loss will lessen. We will never forget him he will always be in our hearts. I LOVE YOU!!!!!Grandpa!!!

Laura Marold on April 30th, 2009 at 7:43 am #

Dear Tina, Just thinking of you and praying a little prayer. Love, Laura M.

LoriAnn Kuhn on April 30th, 2009 at 9:37 am #

I am glad that you looked at your son. I did not look at my daughter when she was “born”. She was 6 1/2 months when I “lost” her from in me. Her dad did look though, and since his family was Catholic, they buried her, even though she was not alive when she came from me. I regret that so much; not looking at her. You are a mom already, so maybe that is what secured your desire to look at your son. I was only 20 and had no idea what the future held for me. “Victoria Rose” would have had a good life; I had “chosen” parents for her to be adopted by. I know it was harder on them than me, since it was like them loosing a baby, too. It warms my heart that you got to look at your son before he went to be with his Heavenly Father. May the Lord bless you with a son (or daughter) that makes it to your arms some day. I know all is in His timing; so I am sure that you will let us all know when another miracle happens in your life. I will pray for your strength and your (wounded?) spirit.
Blessing to you and Josh and your Bella-Ella.
LoriAnn and the crew

Kara on April 30th, 2009 at 9:45 am #

Love you!

Alicia Martin on April 30th, 2009 at 10:07 am #

I am so glad that you were able to hold your son. I have no doubt that it will help you to heal as well as let you look forward to the day that you can hold him again. Thank you God for keeping our babies held in the palm of your hand until we can meet again.

Joan and Steve Odell on April 30th, 2009 at 1:54 pm #

Bless you all – new day brings a wealth of inner peace and refreshing of the spirits and body. Steve and Joan

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