Ella had a relaxing day. She played a lot with her Daddy this morning in her room with her books and toys. Also, we went on a short drive this afternoon as a family, just to get out of the house. She really enjoys being high up in her car seat and watching the scenery go by in the window.
I’m tired today. I think all of the week’s activities have caught up with me. My heart has been heavy the past few days for the nanny. It is strange to have someone that is in your life so often and living in your house, and then suddenly, no interaction at all. It stinks that our relationship had to end on a sour note. I just keep finding myself lifting her up in prayer, hopeful that she might seek counseling. I know that her heart is hurting so much over so many things these days.
I have not shared on the blog, but I decided to get my real estate license. I signed up for classes in February 2009, right after my full time job didn’t work out. I figured that since Ella was being taken care of by our nanny, it was a great timing for this opportunity. Almost right after I signed up, I found out that I was pregnant. As the morning sickness and exhaustion came on strong, studying was placed on the back burner. Long story short, I just passed the broker exam this morning! One more thing that was going on this week that is finally finished. It is a huge relief for me.
As I was driving to the testing center this morning, all of a sudden it hit me. These days, my emotions seem to get the best of me when I am alone and in the car. I started to think about everything that has happened this week, especially the birth of our son. But I had a nice, long cry and it felt good to get it out. I’m sure that there will be many more occasions in the coming days as I process what has happened and remember.
Remembering
Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don’t worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn’t show.
Don’t worry about making me cry.
I’m already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide.
I’m hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending he didn’t exist.
I’d rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say “pretty good” or “fine”.
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~
