Posted (Tina) in All Posts on February-25-2008

Ella had a great night of sleep last night, thus Mom had a great night of sleep. She slept solid until 5am, I changed her diaper and repositioned her and she went back to sleep until 6:30am. That was fantastic for her!

Today was a tough day for me personally. For the past 6 weeks, I was using my remaining maternity leave to be with Ella. This morning, I gave my 2 week notice.

For some, it might seem like a dream come true. However, I have never pictured myself being a stay-at-home Mom.

The last several weeks we have prayed about the right decision. Finances are tough being out in Gainesville to begin with much less having me not provide income.

But the prayers kept confirming that regardless of my own self desires, the right decision was to quit my job and stay home with Ella for a season. We feel that she needs this in order to thrive.

I have been at my job for 6.5 years and it is a great job, thus it was tough for me to quit.

Grandma Eusey was around to help out with Ella, so I could properly give notice. It helped that Ella was full of smiles. It was just fun to be around her. As I was working, I could see them in the background having a good time.

This is why it was so strange when things turned this afternoon. Ella’s endurance started to get low. Everything seemed like it was tough for her, so almost anything made her fussy.

We tried oral feeding again. Several times, she was not interested. But throughout the day, she took 40ccs again. It just seemed like it was a lot more work and more sessions to get the 40ccs. That’s okay, it is still great progress for her.

In the afternoon, we tried another walk. It was okay initially and then she started to cough. Once she was not able to catch her breath, she became frustrated and inconsolable. After having her turn a lovely blue/purple shade, we turned right back around and headed for the apartment. We hope to try again soon.

By the evening, she was overtired and was not consolable. Josh was working with headphones on in the other room and had to pause several times, just to check and make sure everything was okay. She was so upset and was crying so loud, the oxygen sat at double the normal amount for most of the afternoon and evening (1 liter).

Today was a day of highs and lows emotionally. It would warm my heart when she was smiling and having such a good time. Yet, quitting my job and dealing with her numerous meltdowns was tough.

As I end the day, I am reminded that although things look seemingly impossible and sometimes bleak from my perspective, my job is to trust and obey God who ordains everything.

Thank you for the continued prayer support for all three of us.

Psalm 37:5
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him.