Posted (Tina) in All Posts on April-12-2009

On this Easter Sunday, we are thankful for all that we have in our lives. I’m thankful for my husband, we’re thankful for his job, for Ella Renae and her life, for our nanny who helps to take care of Ella, our home, and all the support and love from our family and friends. Yes, we are even thankful for the cats…who were playing egg hockey in our house this morning!

On a more serious note, we are sad concerning the recent news of our unborn child. At this time, we are just waiting. With a heartbeat of 176 beats per minute, we have not felt prompted to take the life of this child. We are resting in Him and His timing. We know that He is in control of our lives; He ordains every detail. Although our unborn child has a rare and lethal birth defect, we know that He created this baby and has a purpose for this season in our lives.

Psalm 139:13-16 (Today’s NIV)
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Our next appointment is Monday, April 27th where we will get to see our baby on another ultrasound. We know that there is a strong possibility that we could go to any of our future appointments and not get a heartbeat. Either way, we want to put this situation entirely in His hands. Another mom who went through something similar put it so eloquently, “We trust that the God of Creation, the Prince of Peace, the Giver of Life knows us intimately and that He will prepare us, sustain us, and fulfill His promises to us throughout the rest of this journey and beyond.”

He sustained us from the moment we received the diagnosis for Ella, and into all the days that followed in the NICU, and He has carried us each day that we’ve been blessed with her. And the verse at the top of this blog still resonates loud and clear in our spirits:

Jeremiah 29:11 (Today’s NIV)
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

We also know that our experience with Ella changed our spiritual lives forever. Although it has been the absolute toughest experience of life, it has also brought us closer to Him than we knew possible. It almost felt like boot camp for receiving the news last Thursday. We are in a completely different place spiritually than we were 2 years ago when receiving Ella’s diagnosis. It’s almost like He used that experience to prepare us for this one. And this experience and this diagnosis is definitely different: there is no hope that our baby will survive, even to full term, much less outside the womb. Unless it is His will to miraculously heal this baby, we are going to experience the loss of a child.

And although we are sad, we know that we can trust Him, especially seeing how He has worked in our lives over the past two years. Without a shadow of a doubt, we know that He has a plan and can work wonders in what appears to be a tragedy. We continue to feel prompted to think about the eternal consequences versus our desires in the here-and-now.

In the coming days, we thank you for your prayers and ask specifically for wisdom in decisions that lie ahead, peace for today and the coming days, and wisdom to walk this journey faithfully so we may glorify His name.

On a final note, I’ve heard the song below many times, but it had a different meaning for me as I heard it play again. The lyrics and link to the song are below.

I guess because we’ve had lots of rainy days over the past two years and for some reason, He has chosen to let those days continue. And yet we find ourselves drawing near to Him and asking for the only shelter we know to provide true peace.

Bring the Rain
by MercyMe


I can count a million times, people asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through

The question just amazes me, can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You?

Maybe since my life was changed, long before these rainy days
It’s never really ever crossed my mind~

To turn my back on you, oh Lord, my only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray…

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there’ll be days when this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above
because you are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me suffering your destiny
So tell me, whats a little rain

So I pray…

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there’ll be days when this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Is the lord God Almighty
Is the lord God Almighty

Everybody singing Holy holy holy
You are holy
You are holy

Laura Marold on April 12th, 2009 at 8:28 pm #

Dear Josh and Tina, I just wanted to say hi on this glorious Easter day and to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today. Love, Laura M.

Julie Kirk on April 13th, 2009 at 2:04 am #

my life is much richer with your family a part of it. Your courage has givien me much to ponder. always prayers

Roxie (Adrienne's friend) on April 13th, 2009 at 3:21 am #

I always thank God for who He is in my life. And I’m thanking Him for who you all are in my life as well. Dear Ones you help my stay grounded! How could I be blown away by the winds of turmoil and life with your example of faithfulness and courage before me! God Bless You, Josh, Tina and Baby Ella.

loren lizotte on April 13th, 2009 at 6:27 am #

I’m sorry I hadn’t been able to check the Ella’s site recently. I’m so sorry Tina and Josh. Please keep your faith and your trust in God. Hold on to each other in this new test of your heart. Be strong for Ella, who is just so precious.

Joan and Steve Odell on April 13th, 2009 at 7:14 am #

The Lord will guide you through the coming days and lead you to the best answers and actions. Know you are loved by so many and prayers continue. Our thoughts and prayers are with you every day. Steve and Joan

megan on April 13th, 2009 at 9:43 am #

Happy Easter to you all.. Doodlebug the pictures are so cute. I love that song by MercyMe.. The words “And I know there’ll be days when this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain” are perfect for this tough times. I am sorry your hearts are heavy but we are all hear for you!

Liz on April 13th, 2009 at 10:24 am #

I would sing this song at the top of my lungs several times. It is a very touching song. God will carry you through this storm. He has put trust in you that you will continue to praise him.

Joel Snyder on April 13th, 2009 at 12:47 pm #

Ella, Happy Easter to you and all the family even those crazy cats. I hope you have a great week and keep up your steady progress. I am praying for you to get rid of your cold. Tina and Josh keep the faith and I hope you have a wonderful week. Love,Grandpa!!!!!!!!

Betsy Dellinger on April 13th, 2009 at 2:40 pm #


My husband just returned home from work and told me the news of your pregnancy (So many of our friends/family keep up with many CDH babies regularly). My heart is broken for you and for the pain and discouragement you are facing. Your faith in the Lord gives me a peace knowing that He will sustain you and you will know Him in a deeper way as you allow Him to lead you through this valley. I pray that your mountain top on the other side will bring you great joys. Know that you will be in my constant prayers.

Betsy Dellinger
Ned’s Mom

SANDY on April 13th, 2009 at 4:22 pm #


Jenny G on April 13th, 2009 at 7:15 pm #

I will keep your family in my prayers and hope for healing for the baby you are carrying. I can only imagine what you are going through. I know your strength in Him will get you through whatever lies ahead.

Corie O'Brien on April 13th, 2009 at 7:37 pm #

Praying for you and your family. Praying for wisdom and strength and for you to feel Him carry you during this time. You are an amazing family.

Jim and Char Jordan on April 13th, 2009 at 10:42 pm #

We love you and are proud of what you do. We have faith that all will work out. Love, Aunt Char and Jim

Post a comment

Name:  (required)
Email:  (required)